i am naked
practically begging to be assaulted (version)
bad habits
can't survive
a third fantasy
released on CD and LP by found remains
an album inspired by and in part stolen from kathy acker
noise, voice, electronics, pink & blue photography, xerox by ester kärkkäinen
nude models include marie, beth, claire, amber, jeanne, and ester
thanks to found remains for an enduring support, to tara connelly for her dirty prose, and to jhane and harriet for being exactly who they need to be .
a body. soft flesh draped over bones, enrobing the viscera, and holding back the eruption of fluids, various secretions. vulnerable materials housing a spring of unlearned lessons from mistakes made not yet made. run your hands over clean skin, raise the goosepimples. now spit on it. rub that in. clear and dripping, white and foaming, the world’s most ancient lubrication - i’m aroused just thinking about it. drool, slippery, sliding, tongue-wetting, fuck-helper. somehow, we find our way to pleasure. i’m continually excited by the creative paths we take when motivated by arousal. what makes you horny? what doesn’t make you horny? have you ever fucked in an uncomfortable place? noise will delve into places music won’t. these complex corners can lead you down an idyllic path in your mind or into your most hidden psychosis. hedonism, fetish, damage, conquest, regret. dream yourself into a situation that makes you shudder. act on impulse and find yourself in a form that you don’t recognize. a third fantasy is an amalgamation of shadow situations and draws from many sources. the words and works of kathy acker, who also borrowed the imagination/reality of others, not only bring inspiration but are literally used. to bring it to a personal place, himukalt weaves in her own experiences and desires. psychologically complicated words and tones. a third fantasy crumbles and sizzles, it whispers in your ear. bare and harsh soundscapes with decomposed drums. it is dark and exposed. the damaged can do some damage. it's that place where “right” and “wrong” are fuzzing together and edges are eroding. the listener is seduced and revolted, starkly presented with the paradox of pleasure’s temporary nature. drown in the noise and give in to your body. (text by tara connelly)
A THIRD FANTASY
i am naked
my skin blisters in the sun
the light scorches the ground
all the trees have been felled
the desert has been paved over
the mountains have disappeared
the waters are nowhere to be found
this sphere of asphalt and concrete serves no
purpose anymore
on a park bench at night
practically begging to be assaulted
the mirror never lies
recusal
redaction
reflection
rebuke
revolt
no control
self destruct
over and over
bad habits
a failure
a wreckage
i should just accept this
at any given moment
don't bring me back
(breathe)
september
i chase that horrible star burning in the sky
(fear)
an instinctive repulsion
madness spiked with lies
grief is tonic to dispair
(operate)
black
red
i was vindicated in my own demise
(can't survive)
a third fantasy
my skin grows cold
my veins run dry
i open my legs
why do i still want to fuck so much
desire overcomes fear
i dare to touch myself again
i know who i am
i draw my knees apart
once again
and let the blood dry
upon my inner thighs